Oz Pearlman, on Friday, May 1, 2026, at 8:00 PM (Doors at 7 PM) at the Royal Oak Music Theatre, 318 W. 4th Street, Royal Oak, MI. Tickets available on January 29th.

This milestone evening supports Defeat The Label’s ongoing mission to raise critical awareness around bullying and empower students to become leaders of change in their schools and communities.

Oz Pearlman to headline “Bullying Is No Illusion”

Known as one of the most watched, followed, and sought-after mentalists in the world, Oz Pearlman brings a powerful, unforgettable performance that blends mind-reading, psychology, and storytelling, creating an experience that is as thought-provoking as it is entertaining.

Oz Pearlman has been featured on ESPN, America’s Got Talent, and 60 Minutes, and is widely respected for his ability to connect with audiences on a deeply human level. His performance for Bullying Is No Illusion will highlight the importance of perception, empathy, and awareness, core themes that align directly with Defeat The Label’s anti-bullying mission.

Purchase Tickets Sponsor Event

About the event

Now in its 10th year, Defeat The Label’s annual live event has become one of Metro Detroit’s most impactful awareness initiatives, combining world-class entertainment with a powerful cause. Bullying Is No Illusion continues that legacy, using the art of mentalism to challenge assumptions, spark conversation, and inspire change.

Preferred seating and sponsorship opportunities are available. Tickets can be purchased at RoyalOakMusicTheatre.com and DefeatTheLabel.com. Media and sponsorship inquiries can be sent to info@defeatthelabel.com. Contact phone number is 248-270-5788.

About Defeat The Label

Defeat The Label is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering students in classrooms around the globe. The organization believes that to end bullying, power must be placed back where it belongs, in the hands of students. Through education, awareness, and leadership-based programming, Defeat The Label helps young people become advocates for themselves and others.

Just how different is traditional bullying from cyberbullying? Studies are beginning to show that the way youth bully online is a lot different from traditional schoolyard bullying. Teens may think what they are posting or texting is just a joke, but if you’re on the receiving end it may not be all that funny. In fact, if the “joking” is repetitive, it could cross the line into bullying, more specifically cyberbullying. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, cyberbullying is the “most common online risk for all teens and is a peer to peer risk.”

According to a study released by the University of British Columbia, cyberbullying is a big problem and even more common than traditional bullying. About 25 to 30 percent of the young people surveyed admitted experiencing or taking part in cyberbullying, but only 12 percent said the same about traditional bullying. To top it off, 95 percent of the youth said that what happened online was meant to be a joke and about 5 percent was actually meant to harm someone. So, what makes cyberbullying so different from traditional bullying?

In traditional bullying, you’re usually working with a bully, victim, or bystander, but that’s not the case in cyberbullying. In fact, it’s not uncommon to play multiple roles such as cyberbully, target, and witness. Previous research indicates that cyberbullying is rarely pre-meditated like traditional bullying, where the bully plans his or her line of attack. In many cases, cyberbullying is done impulsively and not planned out like in traditional bullying where the bully pre-meditates the next attack. Also, traditional bullying has the following characteristics that may not be present in cyberbullying cases:

• A need for power and control
• Proactively targeting the victim
• Aggression

So, just what is cyberbullying? By definition, it’s the deliberate and repeated harm inflicted through the use of cell phones/smartphones, computers/tablets, and other electronic devices (including Wi-Fi gaming devices). It’s an easier way to bully because unlike traditional bullying, it doesn’t involve face-to-face interaction. Teens can become desensitized to a computer screen, and say or do things they wouldn’t do to a person’s face. The computer desensitizes teens and decreases the level of empathy they feel toward the victim. Plus, when they can’t see the person’s reaction to what they post or text they may not know if they’ve gone too far.

It appears that today’s youth don’t equate joking around with bullying. Even though they do it jokingly, it can cut the receiver deeply. By definition, a joke is something that is supposed to be funny, but here’s the magic question: “Who’s laughing?” Ask any teen who’s been cyberbullied and they probably won’t see the humor in the situation. Plus, when something is posted online, it can be humiliating. That old saying “www” means the “whole world’s watching” holds true, and cyberbullying victims know it. The bottom line is that cyberbullying hurts.

Just Imagine: You get a text from a friend to check out someone’s page, you go there and see degrading posts and a crude picture of you in a swimsuit that had been Photoshopped. Following the posts are a string of lewd comments. You start getting text after text from people, some you don’t even know, saying mean things about the post. It feels like the world is laughing at you, only you’re not laughing. You dread going to school the next day because you have to face all of these people. Your stomach is churning and your head is pounding. You pray it will just go away, like it never happened. “Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop,” screams through your mind. You have just entered into the world of a victim. What may have started as a mean joke crossed the line into something more severe—cyberbullying. Scenarios like this are just one example of how some teens are misusing technology.

Young people can quickly spread a rumor through texting, taping an embarrassing incident and posting it on YouTube, or uploading pictures or unkind comments on social networking sites. There are many different avenues that can be used to cyberbully. The key to decreasing cyberbullying is educating today’s youth to think before they click. One wrong click has the power to change someone’s life forever.

Teaching teens to protect themselves online is very important. I compare learning how to drive a car to teaching teens how to use technology. Here’s my logic: Odds are you wouldn’t turn your teen loose with the keys to the car if they haven’t been properly trained or educated to operate a vehicle. Why? Because it’s dangerous. He could kill himself or someone else. Well, we should realize that the wonderful cyber world also possesses dangers. The internet highway can be dangerous if teens post inappropriate material, bully, give out personal information to strangers, etc. So we really need to educate our teens about how to use technology appropriately. Just as you probably wouldn’t toss the car keys at an inexperienced teen and tell him to go take a spin, you shouldn’t place a smartphone or any other electronic device with internet capability in his hands without making sure that he knows how to use it properly.

Let’s help our teens realize that feelings do exist in the cyber world, manners do matter, and most importantly, there’s a real-life person on the receiving end of the messages—a person who laughs, cries, and hurts, just like we do. Please help teach our young people that what they do and say to one another off or online does make a difference.

Teens can use these tips to protect themselves online.

• Tell a trusted adult if you’re being cyberbullied.
• If you know someone who’s being a cyberbully tell her/him to knock it off, if they don’t report it.
• Contact host/site providers if inappropriate material is being posted on their site.
• Save all evidence if you’re being bullied online. Don’t delete without keeping a copy for yourself.
• Don’t respond to rude messages.
• If someone angers you, wait, don’t fire off a rude comeback. It’ll only make things worse.
• Don’t share personal information online.
• Protect your username and password. Don’t share it with friends.
• Don’t open anything from someone you don’t know.
• Keep privacy settings on your computer. Secure your information.
• Choose your friends wisely.
• Only accept close friends on your social networking sites.
• Don’t post anything online that you wouldn’t mind your parents seeing.
• Most importantly, treat others as you want to be treated. Think before you click. Look at what you’re posting or uploading and ask, “Would I want someone saying or putting that about me online?” If the answer is “no,” then don’t do it.

While the internet can be fun and super cool, it comes with responsibility. Have fun with technology but take heed and exercise caution when using it. A joke is meant to be funny but not at the expense of another person’s feelings. Young people joking is one click away from cyberbullying.

Article written by: Raychelle Cassada Lohmann Ph.D.

FOX 2 Detroit, MI – A family’s world was turned upside down when arguments between their son and his friend turned toxic. Eventually, it would lead to an emotionally traumatizing year for him and weeks of issues for his parents.

“It was a horrible thing that happened,” said Connor, a pre-teen whose name we have changed for this story.

According to Connor’s mom, issues started during the pandemic when virtual learning became the norm and relationships went online. It was there that he met a schoolmate online towards the end of 4th grade.

“They started playing online together after school. They started becoming pretty fast friends,” said Dawn, Connor’s mom who we have also changed the name of. “I believe it was around the summer going into the fifth grade, they would argue a lot.”

Then one day, Connor came down the stairs and told his parents they had been DDosD. “We had lost all of our internet,” Dawn recalled her son saying.

A distributed denial of service attack is when someone sends millions of bots to someone’s internet address, slowing down the speed and making it work inoperable. It’s not a traditional form of bullying, but it created havoc for the family.

“My husband works from home. He had meetings we would just lose Internet because he was doing this to us,” Dawn said. “It lasted, I would say about two to three weeks before we got a grasp on what was going on.”

It took hundreds of dollars to fix. But when Connor returned to school, the bullying didn’t stop. The individual told him he knew where he lived, that he could come over, and that he would tell everyone else his address.

The bullying lasted for three months before it turned physical.

“I could tell he was depressed. Just to see him not having anybody to hang out with and not being able to talk to anybody at school because the student isolated all of his friends,” said Dawn. “It was really hard.”

Things only got better when an outside organization moved in. Defeat the Label wasn’t working to stop Connor’s bully, but the presentation given in their class caused him to tone down his behavior.

It’s a clear-cut example of what happens when a school takes initiative in the right way. It’s also a case of how when children aren’t able to socialize the way they’re used to, they have a harder time navigating conflict.

“I don’t know if we’re ever going to fully eliminate bullying. I do think we can address it and nip it in the bud earlier,” said Jamie Kaniarz, executive director of Defeat the Label. “Unfortunately, it’s getting worse.

“Since Covid happened, we have all of these students who have effectively lost however much time – a year, 16 months – of that growth with their friends, that social-emotional growth.”

Cyberbullying and social media is a piece of that trend.

With access to the internet, kids are constantly aware of what they and their friends are doing and how they’re perceived online.

Defeat the Label uses the acronym RAPP to define bullying, which is behavior that’s Repetitive, Aggressive, Purposeful, and when there’s some kind of power imbalance.

Kaniarz says Defeat the Label goes into middle schools and high schools for eight lessons. They work with teachers and students fro several months by identifying the types of bullying and where they come from.

It helps students know the difference between teasing and bullying, and gives guidance on ways to intervene effectively.

“Some schools that we’ve had the pleasure of working in have had a change in their culture in a couple of months. Others schools it may be a year,” said Kaniarz.

For Eastover Elementary Principal Andy Gignac, who has used a program called Upstander for eight years says the program helps equip students with strategies for dealing with issues themselves.

“It’s scary to confront a bully or to step in and intervene. Giving kids strategies is kind of like building their toolkit,” he said.

He says Upstander creates a common language that everyone knows, including bullies.

“It’s when you intervened and have the conversation with the bully because they’ve also had those lessons,” said Gignac. “When they’re called out for something that they did, there is often times that moment of ‘Oh yes, I did do that, and I did have that impact’.”

For teachers handling the situation, the goal is to turn it into a learning experience. “Sometimes we are successful. Sometimes we are not; then we have to use different strategies to try to correct the behavior,” said Gignac.

“It’s challenging.”

Other challenges that officials come face-to-face with is when kids shield their feelings.

“Because kids are so good at hiding their emotions, there are a lot of times administrators and teachers don’t know there’s a problem until it’s a problem, and then they have to try to respond to it,” said Kaniarz.

There’s also challenges in implementing programs because it could take away from a district’s mission of reaching other educational goals as well. However, partnerships can help.

“It’s not going to be the school that solves it completely. The school can play a part in that, but we need the support from the parents. We need the support from outside organizations,” said Gignac.

The goal of the Community Conversation on Bullying is to help facilitate open discussion and conversations around the reality of bullying and related topics impacting our students and educators and what can be done to address it in our schools and communities.

The Community Conversation on Bullying will kick off with a timely presentation from Evie Lynn Breuer, LMSW, CDP, “Returning to a New Normal – Turning Trauma into Resiliency” The past few years dealing with COVID-19 have been extraordinarily hard. Our worlds were suddenly turned upside down and we are all still living through this traumatic experience. In order to move forward into our Next Normal, we’ll need to unpack that trauma, share our experiences, learn from them, and in so doing, become more resilient. Join us for this presentation designed to help us look at trauma through a behavioral lens, start the conversation about our own trauma, and take our next steps toward healing.

Also among the most requested conversations this year, we are honored to have Clay Cranford, more commonly known on social media as “Cyber Safety Cop”, Clay will be presenting “Social Media and Youth: Threats and Solutions”. As social media continues to become part of our students every day lives, including for education, it is hard to assess the ever-changing risks, and to help them make the best choices. Join us as Clayton Cranford, founder of Cyber Safety Cop, helps to assess social media, how it is used in education, and how we can help students assess risks and discover solutions. In addition, we are excited to welcome Mr. Cornelius Godfrey, M.A. Ed. for an important and much requested talk about equity, equality, and why these conversations are so important with “Microaggressions 101”, as well as our friends at the ADL of Michigan for Beyond Bullying: When Does Bullying Become a Hate Crime and What Does that Mean?

Among our most requested sessions, The Regional Teachers of the Year Panel Discussion hosted by Pam Harlin, Director of The Meemic Foundation. This amazing discussion brings together educators from around the state for a wide ranging conversation about bullying, social norms, and what educators are seeing in their schools and classrooms, and how they are working to create a kinder classroom community.

This year, the event will be offered to any educator or community member who wishes to attend and participate for free by utilizing Zoom as well as other streaming platforms. Allowing attendees to take part from their classroom or home. By making the event open to the public, Defeat the Label and The Meemic Foundation hope to bring awareness to the issues being discussed. “The more we talk about the impact of bullying and what we can do to lessen the impact and prevent it from happening the better,” Defeat the Label Co-Founder Jeff Sakwa said. “The idea is to provide a forum where children, parents, teachers and community leaders can come together for a positive, common goal.”

Tickets for this event are available at no cost for educators. Simply request your ticket below by clicking the source link:

One of the questions we have been asked most often over the last 18 months is whether bullying has gotten better or worse since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. Early on, there was a concern that cyberbullying incidents in particular would increase as youth were spending more time online. Additionally, many young children were perhaps given premature access to technology with inadequate support or supervision as schools hurriedly moved to virtual educational activities and parents simply needed to survive the extended time children had at home. On the other hand, we have long known that bullying online is often connected to bullying at school and therefore fewer students at schools might translate to fewer problems online.

Despite these speculations, however, I’ve mostly had to respond to the question about bullying during the pandemic by saying that we simply don’t know. Recently, though, initial research has emerged to provide some insight about the nature and extent of bullying behaviors during the COVID-19 pandemic. And we also collected data about bullying during the pandemic that we are now able to share.

COVID-19 Bullying Research

There have been at least three studies that have attempted to assess whether the pandemic had an impact on bullying among adolescents. First, Tracy Vaillancourt and her colleagues from the University of Ottawa and elsewhere examined bullying (general, physical, verbal, social, and cyber) before and during the COVID-19 pandemic among a sample of about 6,500 Canadian students. They found that school bullying was much higher among students in grades 4 through 12 before the start of the pandemic. Specifically, nearly 60% of students said they had been bullied prior to the pandemic compared to about 40% during the pandemic. Cyberbullying, on the other hand, only decreased marginally (13.8% pre-COVID to 11.5% during COVID).

Second, researchers at Boston University analyzed Google internet searches for bullying and cyberbullying and found that searches for these terms on that site dropped 30-40% when schools went to remote learning in the spring of 2020. This reduced level of inquiry about these problems continued into the 2020-2021 school year, though began to increase once schools began to re-open their doors in the spring of 2021. Researchers speculated that decreases in online searches for bullying correlated to reductions in the behaviors.

Finally, an analysis of keywords related to cyberbullying (e.g., “cyberbullying,” “cyberbully,” “internet bullying”) on Twitter in the early months of the pandemic showed an uptick in the frequency of these terms immediately following school closings and stay-at-home orders. It is uncertain whether these terms were tweeted as a means of identification of actual incidents of bullying online, or for some other reason.

Taken as a whole, each of these studies sheds some light on the problem of bullying during the COVID-19 pandemic, though each has its own limitations. In particular, analyses of Google searches and Twitter keywords are especially tenuous in their insights about actual bullying incidents (especially because the studies returned conflicting results).

Our COVID-19 Bullying Research

Sameer and I have been regularly collecting data on bullying and cyberbullying in the United States since 2004, most recently in the summer of 2021 (more on this latest project in a subsequent post). If we focus just on our last three studies, all of which are relatively large (2,500-4,700 participants) nationally-representative samples collected in 2016, 2019, and 2021 using the same methodology and identical instrument, we can evaluate some recent trends in bullying and cyberbullying behaviors over that time period. For example, in the spring of 2021, 22.6% of students said they had been bullied at school in the previous 30 days, compared to 51.4% in 2019 and 37.8% in 2016. A similarly steep drop was observed in self-reported school bullying offending behaviors in 2021. In 2016 and 2019, about 11-12% admitted that they had bullied others at school compared to 6.8% in 2021. In short, school bullying behaviors have undoubtedly dropped during the pandemic.

When it came to cyberbullying, however, the findings were less clear. More students reported that they had experienced recent cyberbullying in 2021 (22.6%) compared to previous years (17.2% in 2019 and 16.7% in 2016), but fewer students reported that they had cyberbullied others (4.9% in 2021 compared to 6.6% and 5.7% respectively in 2019 and 2016). It is also noteworthy that this is the first time in any of our studies that more students said they were bullied online than at school (though the difference was small [23.2% compared to 22.6%] and not statistically significant).

In addition to asking adolescents in our 2021 study to report if they had been bullied or cyberbullied in the last 30 days, we also asked whether they had been bullied (or had bullied others) at school or online more or less since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. When looking at responses to these questions we saw a similar pattern as observed above. That is, students overwhelmingly said that they had been bullied less at school since the start of the pandemic. Only about 6% of students said they had been bullied more at school during the pandemic.

When it came to cyberbullying, most said they had been bullied online less or about the same as before, but about a quarter did report more cyberbullying during the pandemic. The same is generally true when we look at offending behaviors. The vast majority of students said they bullied or cyberbullied others less since the start of the pandemic.

Conclusion

So where does this leave us? Well, it is clear that the number of school bullying incidents dropped significantly during the pandemic. This is intuitive as fewer students were in schools generally and when they were many schools limited the number of students that could be in a particular classroom. Fewer students likely meant more supervision and fewer opportunities for misbehavior. When it came to cyberbullying, however, the results were less conclusive. I think it is safe to say that cyberbullying did not increase significantly over the last 18 months, but it likely didn’t decrease either. More youth are undoubtedly spending more time online, creating more opportunities for misbehavior.

It is clear that the number of school bullying incidents dropped significantly during the COVID-19 pandemic.

I do think it is promising that the cyberbullying numbers weren’t even higher. Despite dire predictions, online bullying didn’t seem to surge the way some had expected. It is possible that online conflict is occurring more often now than prior to the pandemic, but conflict isn’t always bullying. There are plenty of angry, frustrated, and frankly ignorant people (more adults than youth, in my experience) expressing their outrage on the internet these days. Social media comment wars are not necessarily bullying, but might be captured in some of the studies of keywords used in Google and on Twitter described above. Without context (such as knowing the relationship between the aggressor and target and whether the actions were intentionally hurtful and repeated over time) it is difficult to definitively determine if something posted online qualifies as bullying.

Another concern during the pandemic is whether students would have access to support if they were being bullied. Without physically being at school it could be more difficult for students to visit with a counselor, social worker, or psychologist to report, work through, and obtain help with any issues they might be confronting (including bullying). So even if overall bullying numbers are down, the consequences youth are facing because of these experiences could still be serious.

The other question on the minds of many is what is going to happen in the 2021-22 academic year? Most schools in my area are back to face-to-face instruction with few COVID-19 mitigation strategies (one local district is requiring masks, but none of the others are). Will we see an increase in school-based or online bullying with students back in schools? I’m personally concerned because my tween son’s school is not requiring face coverings, even though there will be no physical distancing and most of his classmates are currently ineligible for vaccination. Per parental instruction, he is wearing a mask. Will he be bullied if he is the only student in his class wearing a mask? Suffice it to say that there continue to be plenty of opportunities for kids to be mean to each other as the pandemic continues. And they will persist long after the current situation subsides.

Key research finding

Miguel Sarzosa, an assistant professor of economics in Purdue University’s Krannert School of Management, finds that victimization depletes an average middle school child’s noncognitive skills by 40%. This skill depletion causes the child to become 34% more likely to experience bullying again.

While bullying negatively impacts the development of both cognitive and noncognitive skills, the effects of victimization are much more severe for noncognitive skill accumulation.

Noncognitive skills — also referred to as socioemotional or soft skills — include the ability to recognize and control emotions and reactions, establish and maintain positive relationships, make responsible decisions, and set and achieve positive goals.

Sarzosa finds that children who start middle school with less developed noncognitive skills are more likely to be bullied – those scoring in the bottom 10% for noncognitive skills are twice as likely to be bullied than those in the top 10% and 36% more likely to be bullied than the average student.

This snowball effect can continue into adulthood and puts those who experience bullying at higher risk for depression, substance abuse and suicidal ideation.

Sarzosa points to two tools to reduce victimization’s negative effects: Invest in helping children develop noncognitive skills at a younger age, and be mindful of classroom composition as students benefit from having peers that share common characteristics. For each additional classroom peer with similar characteristics, victimization drops by about 10%.

More information is available online: Bullying in school hampers skill development, healthy adulthood

Purdue professor’s expertise

Sarzosa’s research fields are applied microeconomics and labor economics. His main research focuses on the effect skill endowments have on in-school victimization and workplace discrimination.

Journal name

The Journal of Human Resources Abstract is available online: Victimization and Skill Accumulation: The Case of School Bullying

Full Research Article is also available via link but requires a login/account. Pdf available to share.

Funding

No external funding was used for this study.

Brief summary of methods

Sarzosa considers the cognitive and noncognitive skill sets and skill accumulation processes of 3,449 school-aged children, interviewed over six years, as part of the Junior High School Panel of the Korean Youth Panel Survey.

Sarzosa measures noncognitive skills using scales of locus of control, responsibility and self-esteem. Cognitive skills are measured through academic performance on math, science and language, and a comprehensive end-of-year exam.

Writer: Wolf Williams, Purdue University Research Center in Economics Communications Specialist

Media contact: Amy Patterson Neubert, apatterson@purdue.edu

Source: Miguel Sarzosa, msarzosa@purdue.edu

Is Your Child Being Bullied? 9 Steps You Can Take as a Parent

As we all know too well, name–calling, cruel taunts, cyberbullying, and physical bullying happen every day to kids across the country. When your child is being bullied, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else—all you want to do is make it stop immediately.

At some point, your child will be picked on or will have his feelings hurt by others. We all have our trials and tribulations with our kids, no matter who we are. An unavoidable part of living is finding solutions to problems, even when they are not easy or comfortable.

In my opinion, bullying is a problem that needs to be solved as a family. Our son was bullied in middle school and high school. We were living in a small rural community where he went to elementary school. The elementary school was terrific. The teachers were very aware of all the kids and very attentive. In some ways, it was an ideal school.

Unfortunately, they had no junior high or high school in our community, so we had to make the choice to send our son to a large urban school nearby.

Soon, he started to come home with some very disturbing stories about how other kids were teasing him, calling names, and taunting him. These children didn’t have any clear reason why they were bullying our son other than he was the new kid and he was perceived as being different.

Our son would come home each day with terrible stories about things that had happened. My husband, James, and I tried hard not to react too strongly when he talked to us. We did not want to seem too upset about it because we really wanted to listen to what our child had to say without making it worse by overreacting. We tried to remain as neutral as possible. But honestly, we were not always successful. Our son was upset and depressed. And it broke our hearts.

Over time we were able to resolve these issues as a family, but it didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of work with both the school and our son to find a solution to the problem.

But along the way, we learned some valuable lessons that I believe played a big part in resolving the issue for our son.

Here are 9 steps you can take when your child is being bullied.

1. Listen to What Your Child Has to Say

Being a good listener is an important piece of your role when your child is being bullied. One of the best questions you can ask your child is:

“What can I do to be helpful?”

When your child tells you what’s going on at school, as much as it hurts to listen, be open and able to hear what he has to say. Try to be supportive but neutral when he’s talking. When you react too strongly to what your child is saying, he might stop talking because he’s afraid he’s going to upset you.

The other side of listening is not blaming your child. Don’t put the responsibility for the bullying on him or try to find a reason for it; there is no good reason or excuse for what’s happening.

If your child is being bullied, he is the victim, so trying to find a reason for why he’s “bringing it on himself” really isn’t helpful. Never blame your child because it makes him anxious and reduces what he’s going to tell you. Your goal is that he continues to communicate what’s going on.

2. If You Were Bullied as a Child, Try Not to Personalize What Is Happening

If you were bullied when you were younger, the same situation with your child will most likely bring up painful memories. It’s okay to connect with your child about how it feels to be bullied, but don’t take the problem on as if it’s yours alone.

The most important thing to do when your child is bullied is to remember the responses you received from others that were—or weren’t—helpful. Use what worked and avoid doing what was unsupportive or hurtful.

3. Don’t Retaliate Against the Bully or His Family

As tempting as it might be to take matters into your own hands and retaliate against the bully or his family, don’t do it. This is where you have to set some examples for your child on how to problem solve.

It’s very difficult to hear that your child is being threatened. Of course, you want to immediately stop the hurt. But remember, retaliating won’t help your child solve the problem or feel better about himself. Instead, take a deep breath and think about what you can do to help your child handle what he’s facing.

4. Coach Your Child on How to React

Bullies tend to pick on people who they can get a reaction from. They choose kids who get upset and who take the teasing to heart. They also look for kids who won’t stand up for themselves, or who they can overpower. It’s important to teach your child how to react. We coached our son on how to avoid bullies at school and who to go to if he felt unsafe.

We also did role plays together where we practiced not reacting to what the bullies said. He couldn’t stop the bullying right away, but he could get himself away from it and he could find someone to talk to about it.

5. Find a Teacher or Administrator at Your Child’s School Who Will Help

Remember, it is the school’s responsibility to stop bullying and most schools do take it seriously. The saving grace for our son was one of the guidance counselors at his school. We felt it was important for our child to have some sense of taking this problem on and solving it by going to the guidance counselor on his own. While we didn’t openly discuss this with him, he knew that we were also talking to the guidance counselor.

After our son started talking with the guidance counselor, she let him know that he could just sit in her office, even if she wasn’t there. The school allowed him to basically take a time out or break to get away if needed. This gave him some control and made him feel like he wasn’t powerless. It showed him that there were some solutions to the situation. It showed him that there was hope.

And make sure your child keeps talking—whether it’s with you, a guidance counselor or a trusted teacher, it’s important that he keeps communicating about what’s going on.

6. Take Your Child’s Side

When our son was being bullied, we constantly reaffirmed that there were things he could do to handle the situation and that he was, in fact, doing them. We let him know that we were going to get him help and that we loved him and we were going to support him.

We also said that there was no excuse for what was happening to him. Make sure to let your child know that you’re on his side. He needs to understand that you don’t blame him and that you will support him.

We also let our child know that if he retaliated against the group, by swearing back or even fighting, that we wouldn’t punish him at home. Our son was bullied physically and verbally, and we told him that he could do what he needed to do to protect himself.

We told him that he would still have consequences at school for any misbehavior because that would be against the rules, but we didn’t add to them at home.

7. Get Support

Be sure to talk to your spouse or to supportive family or friends. Sometimes I would burst out crying after hearing about what had happened to our son. There were definitely times when James and I got angry. The bottom line is that this situation can really bring out emotions from parents.

We found that we needed to talk with each other about this as a couple because it was so hurtful and because we wanted to be clear in how we communicated to our son.

I recommend that single parents reach out to somebody—a family member, friend, or someone at the school—anyone who can help you help your child. We reached out to friends and colleagues as well and asked how they handled it when it happened to their kids. If nothing else, it helped us feel like we weren’t alone and that there wasn’t anything wrong with our child.

8. Teach Your Child to Name What’s Happening

For younger kids, it’s important to be able to name what’s happening as “bullying.” For a child who’s feeling picked on, it’s empowering to be able to really name it.

They’re teaching a lot about bullying prevention in school these days and “bully” is such a negative word that it’s good for your child to be able to attach it to the behavior. This is truly empowering for many children and can work with older kids, as well.

9. Find Something Your Child Is Really Good at Doing

Help your child feel good about himself by finding something he can do well. Choose some activities he’s good at and reinforce it verbally. Our son got involved in swimming and it was very helpful for his self–esteem.

Fortunately, he got through that year and developed some great friendships. That summer we signed him up for a summer camp program. He went there still feeling a bit like a victim and came out a completely different human being. Camp was a place where he really excelled and it just fed his self–esteem.

So try to find a positive experience for your child to help him feel good about himself. Remember, every time he succeeds, it helps him develop better self–esteem, which is the opposite of how the bullies make him feel.

Bullying is not something your child is going to get over immediately. It can be long a process. But our son learned that while he couldn’t stop people from saying bad things, he had control over how he responded.

It’s that stuck place, that feeling of being completely powerless and trapped, that is the worst. I think what our son got out of this whole situation was finding those small pieces of control and exerting them, bit by bit.

Again, all of this took a lot of time. We didn’t come up with solutions quickly. It took time for our son to trust the guidance counselor and then for us to encourage him to go talk to her.

After a while, we could see that everything we were doing was starting to work. Overcoming a bullying episode takes support, and it takes everyone working together as a family to make it happen.

Signs That Your Child Is Being Bullied

Not all kids will admit to their parents that they are being bullied. It is often embarrassing to them and they are unsure how you will react. Therefore, it is important that you look out for the following signs that your child is being bullied:

• Not going to the bathroom at school. A lot of bullies attack in the bathroom, away from cameras and adults. Avoiding unsupervised activities and areas.
• Getting upset after a phone call, text or email.
• Losing friends they previously had.
• Being more isolated and skipping activities that they used to enjoy. Spending more time alone in their rooms.
• Making negative statements about themselves and engaging in negative self-talk.

Defeat the Label and Meemic Insurance are set to host a community conversation on bullying

The discussion will be led by several national and local experts in such fields as education, healthcare and legal with the goal of providing children, teens and adults the proper tools and information physical and mental health experts needed to become informed advocates in the fight against bullying.

The event is set to take place at the Oakland Schools Conference Center in Waterford on Thursday, October 24.

Tickets are $25.

The fight is on to “Defeat the Label.” That’s the name of a program started eight years ago. It was born in the friendship circle and quickly grew into its own organization.

One of the biggest things they teach, isn’t just to say don’t bully. It’s telling students to start doing something about it even when they’re not involved. Being an ‘upstander’ and not just a bystander.

“What do you do when you see bullying?” said Jamie Kaniarz, Defeat the Label executive director. “How do you feel when you see it? Do you feel comfortable engaging in that situation and saying, ‘Hey I see how you’re treating them and that’s not OK.’ So we give the students a lot of different ways to address bullying when they see it.”

The executive director of the Defeat the Label has been helping students combat bullying in hallways across metro Detroit in 15 different school.

FOX 2: “We have to know what bullying is and what it isn’t right?”

“If I say bullying to you, you may have a completely different idea of what bullying is, to what I mean,” said Kaniarz.

“Somebody who accidentally bumped into you in the hallway or who accidentally tripped over someone’s backpack, that’s not bullying. Somebody who says something that is unkind once, that is not bullying. That’s someone being unkind – which is a whole different problem – but it’s not bullying. And finally in bullying situations there is an imbalance of power.”

One of the schools using it is West Hills Middle School in Bloomfield Hills.

Assemblies like this one aren’t one time lessons. It’s ingrained in them for years.

“Over the course of three years our sixth, seventh, and eighth graders all have a common language where we can come and if we are in a conflict we can talk about, were you being a bystander there or will you bring an upstander? What steps could you have taken?”

One song that he uses is “Brave” by Sara Bareilles.

“The lyrics say ‘You can be amazing, you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug’ and I stopped right there with about 570 kids and I said weapons and drugs, what did they do to us?

It’s conscious conversations that defeat the label organizers hope will spread faster than the hate they’re trying to fight.

“It takes courage because it’s hard to stand up to your friends, it’s hard to be the one to go against the tide and say this isn’t cool, this is not OK.”

Orthodontic practice to sponsor Upstander Anti-Bullying program for Abbott Middle School

West Bloomfield, MI​ – Reynolds Orthodontics, a metro-Detroit-based orthodontic practice, has come forward to partner with Defeat the Label, a Michigan-based and internationally known anti-bullying organization, to sponsor Abbott Middle School for the Defeat the Label Upstander Program.

Bullying has made national headlines as a dangerous (and often deadly) weapon in social situations from elementary to high school students. It can alienate and isolate students, causing fear, insecurity, and even suicidal thinking. The National Education Association recently announced some staggering statistics: every seven minutes, a child in the United States is bullied. Even more concerning: an estimated 160,000 students stay home from school every day for fear of bullying.

After asking their patients to sign an anti-bullying pledge earlier this year, and raising funds to sponsor a school, Reynolds Orthodontics has chosen Defeat the Label’s Upstander Program for Abbott Middle School just in time to make a lasting, positive impact on Abbott’s 7th grade class for the entire school year.

The Upstander Program is an 8-month, comprehensive anti-bullying program, during which a Defeat The Label certified educator is brought into classrooms monthly to work with students on various bullying-related issues. With a goal to bring kindness to the forefront of their social consciousness, Defeat The Label empowers students to “Be an Upstander, Not A Bystander”. Students learn through group exercises, discussions and workshops to take a stand in their schools and communities and say, “Enough is enough. No more bullying in my school!”

According to Dr. Jamie Reynolds of Reynolds Orthodontics: “We are honored to partner with Defeat the Label in helping the students of Abbott Middle School overcome bullying. In our practice, one of our main goals is to always be the best part of each patient’s day, and we achieve this by working together as a team. We know that the students of Abbott can come together as a team to make their school safe and fun, and we are excited to be able to help them reach this goal.”

About Reynolds Orthodontics:​ Reynolds Orthodontics has provided metro-Detroit families the highest-quality orthodontic care in a family-based, high-technology practice since 1991. Using proven state-of-the-art technology to enhance treatment, Reynolds dedicates itself to offering a unique orthodontic experience that is fun, affordable, interactive and effective, maintaining a commitment to its patients in every facet of the practice. To smart smiling, visit ​MyAmazingSmile.com​.

About Defeat the Label:​ Defeat the Label is a 501(c)3 organization with the mission of creating critical awareness about bullying issues. Their objective is to create a movement against bullying. Defeat the Label strives to promote an inclusive, judgment-free society by working with schools, parents and students. All of Defeat the Label’s programs are designed around empowering students to take a stand in their schools and communities and say “Enough is enough, no more bullying in my school!” Please visit ​defeatthelabel.com​ to learn more.

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