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You can be someone who stops bullying before it even starts

Defeat the Label — Tue, 27 Apr 2021 07:06:19 +0000

How to stop bullying at school

You can be someone who stops bullying before it even starts. How cool is that! Here are some ways to beat bullying at your school.

Stand up for people who are bullied. Bullies often want an audience and approval. Let bullies know that you do not think being mean is cool.
Take an anti-bullying pledge. Print out our pledge to stand up against bullying. Share it with your friends, and let people know what you believe.
Take action. See if you can start an anti-bullying club or prevention program at your school.
Talk to other kids. Try to learn more about where bullying happens at your school. Talk about what might help. See if you and some friends can go together to talk to an adult at school.
Talk to your teachers or principal. Let adults at school know that you care about this topic. Ask the school to host an assembly on bullying. Ask for an anonymous survey to learn how many kids are being bullied.
Talk to your parents or guardians. Your parents or guardians can ask your school to focus more on bullying. We have information for adults on the bullying page in our section for parents and caregivers.
Speak (and write) up! Write a blog, school newspaper article, or tweets to tackle bullying.
Get creative. How about starting a poster-making or rap-writing contest? Check out more cool ideas, plus tools for having a group discussion on bullying.

A good mood

A school can have a certain feeling about it. It should feel like a place where everyone is respected and where everyone is safe. You can help make it that way by accepting and supporting others. Let people know that you are not interested in bashing anyone for any reason — not because they’re fat, poor, gay, short, or anything. You are interested in being friendly and kind. You are all about creating a good mood.

Older kids teaching younger ones to be “upstanders,” people who stand up against bullying. And you can get a toolkit for teen leaders who want to help younger kids create a bullying prevention program.

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This article pulls together fundamental information about bullying

Defeat the Label — Tue, 27 Apr 2021 07:05:09 +0000

Definition of Bullying

In 2014, the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Education released the first federal definition of bullying. The definition includes three core elements:

unwanted aggressive behavior
observed or perceived power imbalance
repetition or high likelihood of repetition of bullying behaviors

This definition helps determine whether an incident is bullying or another type of aggressive behavior or both.

Research on Bullying

Bullying prevention is a growing research field that investigates the complexities and consequences of bullying. Important areas for more research include:

Prevalence of bullying in schools
Prevalence of cyberbullying in online spaces
How bullying affects people
Risk factors for people who are bullied, people who bully others, or both
How to prevent bullying
How media and media coverage affects bullying

What We’ve Learned about Bullying

Bullying affects all youth, including those who are bullied, those who bully others, and those who witness bullying. The effects of bullying may continue into adulthood.
There is not a single profile of a young person involved in bullying. Youth who bully can be either well connected socially or marginalized, and may be bullied by others as well. Similarly, those who are bullied sometimes bully others.
Solutions to bullying are not simple. Bullying prevention approaches that show the most promise confront the problem from many angles. They involve the entire school community—students, families, administrators, teachers, and staff such as bus drivers, nurses, cafeteria and front office staff—in creating a culture of respect. Zero tolerance and expulsion are not effective approaches.
Bystanders, or those who see bullying, can make a huge difference when they intervene on behalf of someone being bullied.
Studies also have shown that adults can help prevent bullying by talking to children about bullying, encouraging them to do what they love, modeling kindness and respect, and seeking help.

Bullying Statistics

Here are federal statistics about bullying in the United States. Data sources include the Indicators of School Crime and Safety: 2019 (National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice) and the 2017 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).

How Common Is Bullying

About 20% of students ages 12-18 experienced bullying nationwide.
Students ages 12–18 who reported being bullied said they thought those who bullied them:
- Had the ability to influence other students’ perception of them (56%).
- Had more social influence (50%).
- Were physically stronger or larger (40%).
- Had more money (31%).

Bullying in Schools

Nationwide, 19% of students in grades 9–12 report being bullied on school property in the 12 months prior to the survey.
The following percentages of students ages 12-18 had experienced bullying in various places at school:
- Hallway or stairwell (43.4%)
- Classroom (42.1%)
- Cafeteria (26.8%)
- Outside on school grounds (21.9%)
- Online or text (15.3%)
- Bathroom or locker room (12.1%)
- Somewhere else in the school building (2.1%)
Approximately 46% of students ages 12-18 who were bullied during the school year notified an adult at school about the bullying.

Cyberbullying

Among students ages 12-18 who reported being bullied at school during the school year, 15 % were bullied online or by text.
An estimated 14.9% of high school students were electronically bullied in the 12 months prior to the survey.

Types of Bullying

Students ages 12-18 experienced various types of bullying, including:

- Being the subject of rumors or lies (13.4%)
- Being made fun of, called names, or insulted (13.0%)
- Pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on (5.3%)
- Leaving out/exclusion (5.2%)
- Threatened with harm (3.9%)
- Others tried to make them do things they did not want to do (1.9%)
- Property was destroyed on purpose (1.4%)

State and Local Statistics

Follow these links for state and local figures on the following topics:

International Statistics

According to the UNESCO Institute of Statistics:

One third of the globe’s youth is bullied; this ranges from as low as 7% in Tajikistan to 74% in Samoa.
Low socioeconomic status is a main factor in youth bullying within wealthy countries.
Immigrant-born youth in wealthy countries are more likely to be bullied than locally-born youth.

Bullying and Suicide

The relationship between bullying and suicide is complex. The media should avoid oversimplifying these issues and insinuating or directly stating that bullying can cause suicide. The facts tell a different story. It is not accurate and potentially dangerous to present bullying as the “cause” or “reason” for a suicide, or to suggest that suicide is a natural response to bullying.

Research indicates that persistent bullying can lead to or worsen feelings of isolation, rejection, exclusion, and despair, as well as depression and anxiety, which can contribute to suicidal behavior.
The vast majority of young people who are bullied do not become suicidal.
Most young people who die by suicide have multiple risk factors.
For more information on the relationship between bullying and suicide, read “The Relationship Between Bullying and Suicide: What We Know and What it Means for Schools” from the CDC.

Anti-Bullying Laws

All states have anti-bullying legislation. When bullying is also harassment and happens in the school context, schools have a legal obligation to respond to it according to federal laws.

The post This article pulls together fundamental information about bullying first appeared on Defeat The Label.

How to Talk to Kids about Bullying – Tips for Parents and Caregivers

Defeat the Label — Tue, 27 Apr 2021 07:02:44 +0000

How to Talk About Bullying

Talking about bullying can be difficult for everyone. There are many ways to raise the subject of bullying and start the conversation before bullying happens or if you are concerned that it may be happening.

To learn how to talk to kids about bullying, read these tips for parents and caregivers
To learn how to talk to an adult about bullying, read these tips for youth

How to Talk to Kids about Bullying – Tips for Parents and Caregivers

Children who experienced or witnessed bullying may want to discuss it with their parents, but not know how to bring it up. Some children may be afraid that they’ll be “in trouble” for what happened. Others may feel embarrassment or shame. A parent may notice changes in their child’s behavior and find it difficult to talk about it in a way that doesn’t make their child feel uncomfortable.

Start talking about bullying now

Don’t wait for bullying to happen before you talk about it. According to the Indicators of School Crime and Safety Report, 22% of U.S. students aged 12-18 reported being bullied at school in 2019. Children can be afraid to talk about bullying with their family. Parents create trust with children by initiating open, honest discussions. These dialogues provide opportunities to communicate values and learn about your child’s experience. They make it easier for your children to turn to you if they witness or experience bullying.

Have thoughtful talks with your child every day

Initiate talks in the car, before or after homework, over dinner or breakfast, or when doing something together. Keep it casual and curious. Talk about the daily schedule. Listen. Show that you trust them. Ask open ended questions about their day or activities.

What’s the funniest thing that happened today?
What was the best and worst thing that happened to you today?
What new thing did you learn about a friend or another student this week?
What would you change about today?

Use your experience to help them talk about theirs

For instance, share an age-appropriate story about bullying you experienced or witnessed. Talk about how it was distressing, awkward, scary, upsetting, or left you with questions. Start with, “Hey, did I tell you about…?”

Talk about bullying in a general way

Bring up the subject of bullying as if it were a news item or a subject you want to learn more about.

I’ve been hearing about cyberbullying a lot lately. Have you ever seen it? How did they handle it? What would you have done?
Some of my friends were talking about bullying happening at their child’s school. Do you ever see any bullying happening? How did the school deal with it? What did you think of that?

If your child witnessed bullying

Validate their feelings. Listen without judgement. Ask them some questions to get a feel for what they may need. Learn more about how bystanders can stop or respond to bullying.

What was it like for you to witness that?

Do you think the child who was bullied is ok?
Did you want to do anything in that situation?
How did other kids react?
Do you want to talk about different ways you can handle it if it happens again?
Is there anything you’d like me to do?

If your child isn’t sure what happened was bullying

Ask open-ended questions to get more information about what happened, so you can help them learn how to identify bullying.

Where did this happen?
What was going on right before this happened?
How did the child being bullied react? Were they hurt or upset? (Bullying and teasing are different. If someone was upset by it, then it is likely bullying. Watch this video on the difference between bullying and teasing.)
Does the person who did it act this way with other people?
Do they normally get along or what is their general relationship to each other?
How did the others who were there react when it happened?
How would you have felt if it had happened to you?
Do you think this incident was meant to make someone look bad? (If yes, it was probably bullying.)
Do you think the person doing it wanted to purposely exclude or humiliate the other person? (If yes, it was probably bullying.)

If you’re concerned that your child might have been bullied or cyberbullied but they aren’t talking about it

Start the conversation in a general way. Let them know you are there for them no matter what.

I’ve noticed that you seem stressed/anxious/upset – has anything happened?
I’ve noticed that you’re spending more time alone/on your phone/in your room – is there anything you want to talk about?
Is there something going on at school that might be upsetting you?
I’ve noticed that you don’t talk about your friend(s) anymore. Has anything happened?
I’m here if there’s something you want to talk about.

If your child was bullied or cyberbullied

Stay calm. Ask them questions as the goal is to hear about their experience, provide support, and to help prevent it from happening again. Determine if you need to talk to the school about it. Try to understand if there is a power imbalance between the one who bullied and the one who was bullied. A power imbalance is not limited to physical strength. It is sometimes not easily recognized. Learn more about what to do when your child has been cyberbullied.

Is there history between you? Have there been past conflicts?
Has this happened before? Are you worried it will happen again?
What will make you feel safer?
This isn’t your fault. No one deserves to be bullied no matter what was said or done.
Can I reach out to the school/teacher to talk to them about it?
Can we come up with some things you can do if it happens again?

If your child bullied someone

Stay calm. Be open and listen. Ask questions. The goal is to help them learn from this and work through the reasons they did it so you can help them find other, healthy ways to deal with their feelings or situations that come up. You will also need to work with the school or parents to deal with it. Bullying is a behavior that can be changed. Your child will need help and support to learn new behaviors.

What was going on for you when you did this?
What were you thinking and feeling at the time?
How do you feel about it now?
How do you think the child you bullied felt?
Looking back, are there other ways you could’ve handled this?
Here are some other ways you could’ve handled it…
Is this the first time you did this?
Bullying is not ok. It’s important that we address this. If you were the one who had been bullied, what would you want to happen to make things better?
I’ll help you deal with this to make things right.
Thank you for talking to me about this. What I’ve learned is that you could use some help with… I will work on helping you/getting you help.

The post How to Talk to Kids about Bullying – Tips for Parents and Caregivers first appeared on Defeat The Label.

Frequently Asked Questions

Defeat the Label — Tue, 27 Apr 2021 06:50:43 +0000

Click on the question to be directed to the response.

Link to other Frequently Asked Questions (California Department of Education)

Responses to Frequently Asked Questions

How common is bullying?

Studies in many different countries over the last twenty years have shown that bullying in schools is common. It is not unusual to find that a third or more of the pupils were involved in bullying, either as victims or bullies. However, it is very difficult to measure bullying accurately. Observation only tells part of the story. Much bullying happens in places it is impossible to observe, and much involves behavior which may be indistinguishable from normal play or conversation – to an outside observer anyway. Interviewing adults and children can produce conflicting and confusing reports of the level of bullying. Most researchers therefore use questionnaires, which allow a large number of people to be surveyed. It should be remembered however that, although such surveys have allowed us to understand much more about this difficult problem, they can only measure people’s perception of the level of bullying, rather than the actual level. Most people who take part in such surveys try to answer the questions as honestly as they can. But it can be difficult for young people involved in bullying to admit to themselves the truth of what is happening, let alone to admit this to others.

Does age make a difference?

Many studies have found that the number of children who report being bullied decreases with age. This finding – that more younger children than older children report that they have been bullied, begs a number of questions:

Are younger children more likely to report bullying because they are more trusting of adults?

Do teenagers find it more difficult to admit to being bullied because to do so would conflict with a natural desire to appear ‘grown up’ and ‘able to look after yourself’?

If this reported reduction in the number of bullying victims matches the reality, what is the cause? Are older children less likely to bully others than younger ones? As people grow older do they learn to avoid being bullied?
(Andrew Mellor)

Are there differences in the bullying experiences of girls and boys?

Many studies have found that there are differences in the bullying experiences of boys and girls. Most of the studies covered here have found that it is more common for boys to be involved in physical bullying. Girls on the other hand are more likely than boys to be involved in psychological bullying (for example ignoring someone or deliberately keeping someone out of a group). However, for both boys and girls, the most common type of bullying is verbal. The research finding that boys are more likely to be involved in physical bullying than girls is unsurprising. However, we should not assume that because of this, bullying among boys is more serious or damaging than that among girls. It could be that the more obvious methods of bullying used by boys makes it easier to spot – and to stop – than the subtlety of girls’ bullying. It is also worth noting that many of the cases of suicide where bullying has been identified as a cause, have involved girls who have not been physically bullied but ‘only’ subjected to name-calling and isolation.This is one of those areas that really does need more research. Another relates to the differing levels of peer support available to older boys and girls. Is it really true that teenage girls are more likely than teenage boys, to have the emotional support of a close friend? And, if this is true, does this then mean that a girl who does not have a ‘best friend’ will feel far more isolated and inadequate than a friendless boy?
(Andrew Mellor)

Are some children more likely to be bullied than others?

Bullying can happen to anyone, at any time in their school career, but there are some characteristics and factors which might make it more likely. Any child can become the victim of bullying if he or she is put into a school where bullying is not tackled effectively. Being different in some obvious way (such as ethnicity, disability or religion) may make it more likely that a child will be bullied. However, research seems to be pointing towards social skills and character as being even more closely linked to involvement in bullying than these more obvious factors. What is often not clear is whether a child is bullied because she is anxious and has low self- esteem, or is anxious and has low self-esteem because she has been bullied. (Andrew Mellor)

Are some children more likely to bully than others?

Some of the major bullying studies have identified certain characteristics which are found in many children who bully. For example being uncaring and having a positive view of violence. The studies did not find that a typical bully has low self-esteem (as previously suggested). It is important to remember that this is a general picture and there will be exceptions. There are some people who consistently bully others. It may be reasonable to describe these people as ‘bullies’ and to try to find out if they have any distinguishing characteristics. However, if we accept that ‘bullying’ is often a group activity in which one person may be picked on by the majority of his classmates, any attempt to describe the common characteristics of these ‘bullies’ is likely to fail. They are involved in a social activity and have a wide variety of family circumstances and personal characteristics. (Andrew Mellor)

How popular are victims and bullies?

It has been found that victims of bullying tend not to be as popular as their peers (including bullies). Scandinavian research found that bullies tend to be as popular (or almost) as their peers, although their popularity drops as they get older. (Andrew Mellor)

What do pupils do when they are bullied?

Children who are being bullied react in different ways. However many studies have found that in response to bullying, children will often attempt to stand up to the bully (without fighting). Perhaps we should be concerned here about what makes it possible for many children to stand up to bullying and what makes it difficult for others to find effective personal coping strategies. The information in these studies can be used in discussions with parents and children about the way that they could react to bullying.
(Andrew Mellor)

Who do children tell when they are being bullied?

Many studies have found that children who are being bullied become less likely to tell as they get older, and when they do confide in someone, it is much more likely to be a family member or friend than a teacher. A worrying finding of many studies is that a lot of children do not tell anyone. Creating an atmosphere of openness in which children feel safe enough to talk to an adult about problems, is one of the key challenges for schools. In a 1989 study, half the pupils who had been bullied had told no-one about it. In a 2002 study this proportion had fallen to 22 per cent, which points to an increasing willingness among bullied pupils to talk. This could be due to the development of anti-bullying policies in schools during the period between the two studies. (Andrew Mellor)

Why don’t children tell?

Children give a variety of reasons for not telling an adult about bullying, ranging from being afraid of what the bullies might do if they found out, to feelings of failure because they could not deal with the bully themselves. The reasons that children give for not telling are usually reasonable and logical. The fear of retaliation is real and should be acknowledged. However, this fear is sometimes expressed in another way – as a fear that the adult will do something which will make matters worse. This knowledge can help adults to react more sensitively when approached by bullied children for help. (Andrew Mellor)

Does bullying cause problems in later years?

Unfortunately studies have found a connection between being bullied in childhood and problems in later years. There are a number of ways in which childhood bullying may be linked to problems in adult life. It has been suggested that some victims are brutalized by their experiences and go on to become bullying or abusive adults. It has also been suggested that some bullies graduate to more serious adult criminality. However, it should be remembered that the majority of people who are involved in bullying at school (either as bully or victim) go on to have happy, productive adult lives. The size of the proportion who are not so lucky is unclear, but there are many people who believe that their lives have been blighted by childhood bullying. (Andrew Mellor)

Where does bullying take place?

Many studies have found that the most common location for bullying is the school playground. The fact that most studies have found that bullying is most common in the playground is unsurprising. Teachers are often uncomfortable with the fact that so many pupils have said that the classroom is an important location for bullying. Sometimes this happens when the teacher is not present, but it can also happen in subtle but damaging ways right under a teacher’s nose. (Andrew Mellor)

What does it feel like to be bullied?

It is widely accepted that bullying causes distress, at times extreme. Some studies have gathered information about the emotions children experience when they are being bullied. These studies help us to understand the range of emotions that may be experienced by a bullied child. At one end of the spectrum it is upsetting for a short time. At the other end it can drive a child to contemplate suicide. In between are various feelings and reactions, but a major concern for teachers and parents is that the strength of these feelings can have a serious effect on learning. For example, it is difficult to concentrate on what a teacher is saying when you are being subjected to glances – glances which are imperceptible to the teacher but which say to you, ‘you may think you are safe here in the classroom but just wait until …’ (Andrew Mellor)

Does bullying cause health problems?

Many studies have found that there is a link between being bullied and health problems. If bullying causes stress and stress can cause physical illness, this could explain the findings of some of these studies. Perhaps even more worrying is the link that is emerging between bullying and mental health. (Andrew Mellor)

Is there a link between childhood bullying behavior and anti-social behavior in later years?

As yet, there have only been a few studies which have looked at links between bullying behavior and later anti-social behavior. However the existing studies have found a link. It is important to remember that most children who admit to bullying others (up to 50% in some studies) do not go on to commit crime as adults. The studies which have found a link between childhood bullying and criminality tend to use a much narrower definition of what constitutes a ‘bully’ than is used in the majority of studies aimed at measuring levels of bullying in school.
(Andrew Mellor)

What is the role of peers in bullying?

Studies have found that peers do play an important part in bullying whether they are openly encouraging it or ‘just’ standing by and watching. It has been suggested that if witnesses of bullying are not actively trying to prevent it, they are encouraging it (whether they realize it or not). This question shows just how complex a bullying situation can be. An adult observer may find it difficult to distinguish between those children who are actively involved in bullying and those who are bystanders. What is clear, however, is that bystanders may provide the key to finding a solution to many bullying incidents. Peer pressure can be positive as well as negative. (Andrew Mellor)

What are the feelings of bystanders?

As the findings presented here suggest, bystanders have different feelings about bullying. Some are upset by it, but unfortunately there are some who seem to enjoy it. It is likely that children’s attitudes towards bullying are changing as the subject is discussed more and more in schools. In 1990, bullying was rarely discussed in schools in Scotland and other English speaking countries. By 1996 most schools in the UK and Australia had adopted anti-bullying policies and an Australian study mentioned seemed to point to the fact that the majority of young people now think that bullying is wrong. (Andrew Mellor)

Is bullying usually carried out by an individual or group?

Many studies have found that it is most common to be bullied by a group rather than an individual. However there are studies which have found it more likely to be bullied by an individual. The important thing here is that group bullying and bullying by an individual are both common. However, they are often very different types of behavior. An individual who consistently bullies others in a variety of situations usually has a number of personal and social problems, of which bullying is only one manifestation. A bullying group may be composed of individuals who have little to distinguish them from their non-bullying peers. (Andrew Mellor)

Is there a difference between the personal characteristics of the individual and the group bully?

There seems to be very little in books or articles on the personality differences of the individual and the group bully. The researcher, Ken Rigby, feels that more attention should be paid to this difference. This is a crucial difference. It is remarkable that it has not been the subject of more research. It is particularly important for teachers to decide whether they are dealing with group bullying or individual bullying when reacting to an incident or episode. Some reactive strategies, such as the ‘no blame approach’ are only effective when used in response to group bullying. Many individual bullies need long term behavior support to deal with this and the other undesirable behaviors they exhibit.
(Andrew Mellor)

How are different groups, such as ethnic minorities and disabled pupils, affected by bullying?

Some studies have looked at whether being part of a particular group makes it more likely that a child will be bullied. Unfortunately some studies have found that being part of a minority group can make it more likely. Racism and bullying are very closely related. In schools, it can sometimes be difficult to decide where one ends and the other begins. These studies show that being a member of a minority group increases the risk of being bullied in certain situations. If all minority groups are educated in separate schools, any resulting trouble might be described as ‘conflict’ rather than ‘bullying’. Even where children are completely separated in this way, sub-groups can become a target. In one school where all pupils had some degree of sight loss, the minority who were completely blind were picked on by children who were partially sighted. (Andrew Mellor)

Are there differences between types of school?

As this selection of studies shows, there is no clear agreement on whether the type of school (for example size and location) affects bullying levels or not, sometimes it will, sometimes it won’t. The research evidence here is conflicting and confusing. At the moment it seems safe to say that there is no conclusive evidence which shows that the size of a school, its religious orientation, the ethnicity of its pupils, whether it is privately or publicly funded, or the social class or wealth of the parents of the children at the school has any influence on the level of bullying. (Andrew Mellor)

Do children “grow out” of bullying others?

Children need direction and raising to “grow out of” certain behaviors. A child who is allowed to abuse others will do so unless he/she is compelled to stop, to change their ways. The bully-child needs to be told that only he/she can control what they do, but we (parents) and society can use powerful, memorable consequences to help them decide to stop bullying. They need the strong message that there is no excuse for violence. Parents, and society – teachers, principals, other students and adults that the bully comes in contact with – and if necessary, a judge – must persuade them to stop. (Julie Clark)

If there is “no excuse” for violence, does that mean that a child should have to put up with physical bullying?

No, not at all. No one should have to put up with violence. Defending oneself against physical assault is not violence – it is self-defense. We teach our kids to scream for help if they’re in danger of being kidnapped, we tell them what to do in just about any situation we can think of…except bullying. No one has to tolerate bullying. (Julie Clark)

Is bullying only physical, or the threat of the physical such as hitting, kicking, and so on?

No, bullying is not limited to physical abuse. That is often the first thing one thinks of when one thinks of bullying – one kid beating up on another. Bullying can also be emotional – lying and gossiping about another, excluding and spreading rumors is bullying. Name calling, harassment, put downs and ridicule is also bullying – verbal abuse. Remember, bullying is abuse. And when one is constantly called “fudge pudge,” “ugly,” referred to as “gay” “homo” “fag” and so on, that child is being verbally bullied. Low self esteem is one result of verbal abuse, and is probably worse than physical abuse most children say. To dismiss verbal abuse as not a part of bullying is turning a blind eye to a very real problem.

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